Need for validation: you're right, it's a basic human need. If anyone has any insight, it would be greatly appreciated. So if the whole self improvement journey is to meet someone, and you just constantly never feel like you are good enough, youll never actually achieve vulnerability and non - neediness. The idea of working on yourself also kind of reinforces the idea that you aren't good enough as you are, and that you are not worthy. I feel like I can bust my balls all day to become a better person, but I don't know if it will ever make me feel attractive, because very few people have ever actually expressed any kind of attraction to me before anyway. Like I don't think any amount of self improvement will ever get you to the point where you suddenly just don't want validation and approval. I don't know if its possible to just kind of cut that pain out like Mark suggests. Numerous studies show that rejection lights up the same pathways as physical pain. Everyone wants to feel wanted, and when you go unwanted, IT FUCKING BLOWS. This all makes perfect sense, but the problem is that I don't know if a lot of it is actually possible.įirst off, if you're like me and never had a lot of luck with attraction, its kind of a soft spot. Here's all of me, even the ugly parts.ģ) The way you solve neediness is by investing in yourself, and caring more about yourself than what others think about you. I am who I am, and you can take it or leave it. Essentially saying, "I don't give a shit if you like me or not. Everyone wants someone who is independent, and won't unload their emotional baggage on them.Ģ) The opposite of neediness is being vulnerable. I'm sure you've experienced this with someone trying too hard to make you laugh, or taking too much of an interest in what you have to say. When you make someone feel like they are responsible for your well being. It essentially resolves around three points.ġ) What prevents attraction is when you express neediness. It takes the complications of dating and attraction and lays it out in a very straight forward method.
MODELS MARK MANSON GLOSSARY MOD
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